Post by Wolfram on Jan 25, 2010 8:47:34 GMT -5
Basking in the moonlight which stretched into the café window, Wolfram was lost in his own thoughts as the world around him buzzed on mindlessly. He couldn’t care less for those lingering within the same space as him and made a point of expressing such in the way he had placed himself at this secluded location. With his back at an angle against the booth seat, Wolfram mostly faced the window beside him and concentrated on what he was doing. Sipping tea and quietly reading small passages in the newspaper, Wolfram set his mind on catching up on everything he had missed, but more importantly he focused on finding himself a new place to live.
In his time he’d visited a number of locations, calling them shelters and possibly home, but he never really felt as if he had belonged at any one of these places. He had also said that this time would be different for him, that this would be a new start a few times before too. Truly, it was starting to bother him; that he seemed to be looping around the same dark plug hole and never appeared to either be getting out or falling in to that abyss once and for all. He felt as if he were going nowhere and doing nothing with his unlife. During his stay in London he had learnt a lot about himself and enough to realise that even when a chance came for him to either be saved or sucked down into the darkness forever, he never took it and certainly never committed to it.
Wolfram never committed himself to anything; that was a big part of the problem. He also never enjoyed taking risks in case he lost out in something, or in case he might be thrown toward the lions, but now he was starting to realise that being safe was just the same as being boring, which meant that he might not have bothered being here at all really. It was clear he needed to change his habits if he were going to try and get away from the plug hole of despair and pointlessness, clearly who he was just wasn’t working out for anyone. It wasn’t like he was concerned by what others thought of him exactly, he had always been a bit of a sociopath and couldn’t really see the point of making relationships last at all, but now, as he matured, Wolfram was starting to understand and could feel the increasing pinch of loneliness swell within his still-beating heart.
Sighing, the silver haired man glanced up from the pristine pages of the newspaper and out into the streets ahead of him. As the night grew steadily colder, the rising air from the manholes and drains turned to vapour and filled the atmosphere with an intense mist. It was a vivid contrast when compared against the stylish vista and comely atmosphere of this little café. The world out there seemed ugly, cold and so gravely complicated, while the world inside seemed simple, beautiful and welcoming. It certainly made a pleasant getaway from the harsh streets of Raven Black, but most of the other customers here were swamped with life, with love and most importantly, a heart beat; not like him at all…
“Well, that’s just disturbing.” He shook his head and muttered softly to himself, so soft in fact that no normal ears could hear him groaning. The realisation hit him again, so much harder and so much more mercilessly than before. Sitting alone in a quaint café surrounded by Humans when Vampires existed and roamed freely outside those walls; it was impossible to not understand what had been going on all this time. Now that it hit him between the eyes like a nail in his skull, he couldn’t understand why he hadn’t picked up on it before. He had never truly embraced his darkness, his Vampire nature, and it was this conflict that had left him feeling so insecure, so untrusting of himself.
Wolfram rolled his shoulders in a shrug and let the feeling go quite effortlessly. There wasn’t really much he could say to justify his own incompetence, but he could blame it on the fact that he himself had never really been properly adopted into the darkness. He’d been thrown in feet first and spent a lot of his life trying to escape the water, escape the truth. He joined the Shadow Saints because he wanted to cling onto his humanity like the rest of them, but the times when Vampires ignored their basic instincts were over. There were no more people out there who fought for righteousness and morality anymore, for most of them, being a Vampire was a choice so it just made no sense to elude the truth any longer. It seemed obvious to him; as clean cut as night and day; that he would have to make a choice; to fall in line or continue feeling so lost, so worthless and alone...
In his time he’d visited a number of locations, calling them shelters and possibly home, but he never really felt as if he had belonged at any one of these places. He had also said that this time would be different for him, that this would be a new start a few times before too. Truly, it was starting to bother him; that he seemed to be looping around the same dark plug hole and never appeared to either be getting out or falling in to that abyss once and for all. He felt as if he were going nowhere and doing nothing with his unlife. During his stay in London he had learnt a lot about himself and enough to realise that even when a chance came for him to either be saved or sucked down into the darkness forever, he never took it and certainly never committed to it.
Wolfram never committed himself to anything; that was a big part of the problem. He also never enjoyed taking risks in case he lost out in something, or in case he might be thrown toward the lions, but now he was starting to realise that being safe was just the same as being boring, which meant that he might not have bothered being here at all really. It was clear he needed to change his habits if he were going to try and get away from the plug hole of despair and pointlessness, clearly who he was just wasn’t working out for anyone. It wasn’t like he was concerned by what others thought of him exactly, he had always been a bit of a sociopath and couldn’t really see the point of making relationships last at all, but now, as he matured, Wolfram was starting to understand and could feel the increasing pinch of loneliness swell within his still-beating heart.
Sighing, the silver haired man glanced up from the pristine pages of the newspaper and out into the streets ahead of him. As the night grew steadily colder, the rising air from the manholes and drains turned to vapour and filled the atmosphere with an intense mist. It was a vivid contrast when compared against the stylish vista and comely atmosphere of this little café. The world out there seemed ugly, cold and so gravely complicated, while the world inside seemed simple, beautiful and welcoming. It certainly made a pleasant getaway from the harsh streets of Raven Black, but most of the other customers here were swamped with life, with love and most importantly, a heart beat; not like him at all…
“Well, that’s just disturbing.” He shook his head and muttered softly to himself, so soft in fact that no normal ears could hear him groaning. The realisation hit him again, so much harder and so much more mercilessly than before. Sitting alone in a quaint café surrounded by Humans when Vampires existed and roamed freely outside those walls; it was impossible to not understand what had been going on all this time. Now that it hit him between the eyes like a nail in his skull, he couldn’t understand why he hadn’t picked up on it before. He had never truly embraced his darkness, his Vampire nature, and it was this conflict that had left him feeling so insecure, so untrusting of himself.
Wolfram rolled his shoulders in a shrug and let the feeling go quite effortlessly. There wasn’t really much he could say to justify his own incompetence, but he could blame it on the fact that he himself had never really been properly adopted into the darkness. He’d been thrown in feet first and spent a lot of his life trying to escape the water, escape the truth. He joined the Shadow Saints because he wanted to cling onto his humanity like the rest of them, but the times when Vampires ignored their basic instincts were over. There were no more people out there who fought for righteousness and morality anymore, for most of them, being a Vampire was a choice so it just made no sense to elude the truth any longer. It seemed obvious to him; as clean cut as night and day; that he would have to make a choice; to fall in line or continue feeling so lost, so worthless and alone...
